Bali here I go!

title says it all:) i'll be back before you know it!

take care and be safe

the past

Last night, I attended my kindergarten friend's 21st. It was a fairly intimate affair with close friends and her dear family - about 40 people present. It would be close to exactly what I'd want for my birthday.

But that's beside the point. I cannot begin to explain how small Singapore is. Every one is intertwined with the next person in some way or another. Last night was evident of that, especially since most in attendance are turning 21 this year.

I met an acquaintance I knew from Primary School. We hardly talked.

I met a JC friend who was once close to me. Z and I used to share our stories and our faith. It was hard to take in all that I had missed over the last 3 years that I'd not spoken to him. He doesn't seem quite different though I cannot shake off that disappointment at the realisation that he's picked up smoking. I never can with friends whom I care for. Why am I so against it? That's a post for a different time. But I was happy we caught up and the fact that we still had things to talk about.

I met a JC acquaintance. We'd probably never exchanged more than 3 sentences while in JC. It was an "I know him, and he probably knows me, but we don't know know each other". Last night, we exchanged 30 sentences.

I met a boy. We used to have some short history with a long story. It was awkward, terribly so. And he came with a girl, his current girlfriend (friend of the birthday princess). We both were surprised to see each other and I think we dealt with it in a mature, 21-year-old-way; shook hands, did our salutations and smiled if our eyes ever caught the others' in a glance. But that was it. "Hey! How are you?" and then "Take care, goodbye."

Our past is never passed. It merely seems to have left us (and that can be quite convincing if one's intentions are such). But it will always be a part of us. It has a strange way of inching back into our lives, no doubt, and when it does, be prepared to act like it was never a big deal. If it goes as well as mine did last night, you should be able to fool the lot.

not a drive by

love

because if you love someone, you'll let them go.
but be there for them when it all crashes down.

Personality Test

So I'm enrolled to PL3241 - Personality & Individual Differences, and I thought, what better a time to do a personality test. The lecturer uploaded a link (www.personality-project.org) and you should check it out!

Here's my results on the Big Five dimensions of personality (namely - extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability and openness). Yes, there is a barrage of words. I will bold those which apply.

Extraversion	Low				High
Agreeableness	Low				High
Conscientiousness	Low				High
Emotional Stability	Low				High
Openness	Low				High
	Percentile		0 ---------- 25 ---------- 50 ---------- 75 ---------- 100

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Extraversion Report

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Score at a Glance

Percentile	80
Avg. Response	4.7

Your average score on Extraversion was 4.7 out of 6, which is considered high. It is in approximately the 80th percentile for females between 18 and 25 years old.

Your high score on Extraversion suggests that you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

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Agreeableness Report

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests for the sake of others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.

Score at a Glance

Percentile	66
Avg. Response	5

Your average score on Agreeableness was 5 out of 6, which is considered average. It is in approximately the 66th percentile for females between 18 and 25 years old.

Your average score on Agreeableness indicates some concern with others' needs, but not so much that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for others.

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Conscientiousness Report

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively does not allow for the consideration of alternative courses of action, some of which may be wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence -- an attribute that is often considered to separate humans from earlier life forms -- is the ability to evaluate likely consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of counter-productive impulses. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. 

Score at a Glance

Percentile	71
Avg. Response	4.6

Your average score on Conscientiousness was 4.6 out of 6, which is considered high. It is in approximately the 71st percentile for females between 18 and 25 years old.

Your high score on Conscientiousness suggests that you set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

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Emotional Stability Report

Emotional stability is the opposite of emotional reactivity, which is the tendency for one's emotional state to be highly responsive to both negative and positive situational cues. People low in emotional stability are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense and consuming than normal. Low scorers are generally more sensitive, emotional and prone to feelings that are upsetting, such as anxiety or guilt. Their pattern of experience can be described as an 'emotional rollercoaster'. They often experience swiftly fluctuating emotions and are easily perturbed from a neutral state toward emotional extremes, such as elation and excitement or anger and agitation. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish one's ability to think clearly, make rational decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score high in emotional stability are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that high scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Score at a Glance

Percentile	92
Avg. Response	4.8

Your average score on Emotional Stability was 4.8 out of 6, which is considered high. It is in approximately the 92nd percentile for females between 18 and 25 years old.

Your high score on Emotional Stability indicates that you are calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

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Openness Report

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. Compared to closed people, they tend to be more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and non-conforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of Openness to Experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on Openness to Experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves Open to Experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

Score at a Glance

Percentile	11
Avg. Response	3.6

Your average score on Openness was 3.6 out of 6, which is considered low. It is in approximately the 11th percentile for females between 18 and 25 years old.

Your low score on Openness to Experience suggests that you prefer to think and act in straight-forward, conventional ways and that you typically avoid abstract and untraditional ideas. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative.

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If you know me well enough, I guess it's safe for me to say that this test seems inaccurate in 2 dimensions: Emotional Stability and Openness. I would say I'm not as calm, collected and composed as they make it out to be. But hey, it's just an inventory and it's subject to all sorts of biases. Openness-wise... I really would like to think I'm not this straight-forward, rigid-type of person. But maybe 'cos I'm Asian and there's a cultural bias in the norm. Perhaps I should test my scores against a population of Singaporeans? Why else would I be pursuing Psych (against my Dad's initial wishes)? 

Just food for thought. Try it:)

Lead Climbing

So it's been a long time since leading, like serious leading. And so I found myself being a little more than afraid yesterday at the UTown rockwall. I've forgotten what it was like to scale the TJ ooverhang/baby roof. Maybe it's the insecurity of having the rope below rather than above you, or the unfamiliarity of the new wall. I was rather embarassed at my first (failed) attempt of a route because I chose to give up and be lowered. I did give it another go though (after I witnessed Yunni, Val and Su Fern complete it), and gradually I do hope to overcome this irrational fear. I also did another route without hanging at all. And it was a route I knew I could flash. It's a baby step, I know. But a step in the right direction.

This year's resolution will be to commit. If I can't then I must. 

me.

"You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it." - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.


Today, I was reprimanded for doing something which I did not think deserved such a serious lecture. A good, kind deed was misconstrued as being careless, naive and overly complacent that Singapore is a safe place. 

Today, I was reminded that when I do "something wrong", I admit it and I apologise. 

Today, I refused. I saw no wrong nor harm in what I did hence felt it unreasonable to admit that I had "crossed the line". Borderline preposterous to apologise just to appease and endorse what my parents believed in. 

Today, I drew a line and I took a stand.

2012

So. I usually do uber long narrative posts. (Thanks for reading them through) But since 2012 is almost a week past, I'll keep this short.

My 2012 in points:

• Went back to being single after about a year

• 2nd for Team Event in Gravical '12 (virgin podium finish, yay!)
• A single pull-up (long-awaited as well :))

• Plenty of suppers and fun times with block mates (tears and joy)

• Supper/Icing party with Juan & Si (yummy fried rice and the occasional expired food kept a little too long in sisi's fridge)

• Hall Queen (photoshoots, interviews and dance practices - definitely a great experience, but alas, I've to leave my bragging rights behind. Throne valid for one year only)
• Managed 4 pull-ups :) (BIG WHOOP!)
• Met Shawn
• Virgin hair-dying

BEFORE

AFTER

• Cut my hair short (for the first time in a decade - see BEFORE & AFTER)
• Ran for TM
• Went for Corrine May's concert @ Gardens by the Bay
• Became attached :)

• Became TM (thanks for all your support JMF)

• Went for TeamNUS Summit at Gopeng (met new friends, did some never-before-done stuff like showering in a water tank, white-water rafted, slept in a recycled greenhouse)

• Was a part of Bouderactive 2012! Emceed and packed them goodie bags

• Went on my final hall experience - OCIP Laos (a whole new world which I terribly miss right now. Renovated a school to the point of going down on all fours to scrub classroom floors and sweep cobwebs. Not before being "hospitalised" and put on IV for 3 hours. Had great fun during RnR in Vang Vieng 
• Korea trip with Mommy and Michelle and Samyee (yet to do the pictures omg.)

• Camps and more camps (arts camp, climbing camp:)) Having new blood in the team :D

• First time going au naturale (bouldering) at Dairy Farm
• Witnessed the team's strength and friendship at the traumatising injuries of RockMaster 2012. (so happy to see both Daryl and Valerie back on the wall)

• Watched not one, but TWO of Gwen's plays. And looking forward to many more to come:)

• Ended the semester with Sports Award

• Family trip to Sydney and Melbourne, Australia

• Counted down with my darling TJCCCCCCCCC legends

I realised this year was a year of adventure. Of many firsts, of spontaneity, of life. I'm glad how the year passed. And here's to 2013 - to more of living every moment and grasping opportunities as they pass. Because life's too short to be afraid and to demand to be in absolute control. 

Back from Down Under

Just slightly less than a week back, I came home after a long family trip to Australia. Long because 1) it stretched over 17 days, making me miss one camp, one Christmas party and Christmas in Singapore; 2) the family started being sick of each other, evident by more frequent complains, quarrels and disagreements.

Indeed, I missed home. But while there, I really enjoyed myself.

When in Sydney, I learnt to appreciate the safe and clean environment we have in Singapore. The situation in Singapore does not warrant the law to step in to demarcate alcohol-free zones. People don't walk around high at 7pm. I would be extremely worried if my child was out at night there, but not here.

When in Blue Mountains (Katoomba, Blackheath, Shipley, Jenolan), I learnt that going off track beats overrated tourist attractions. I experienced serenity, and awed at trees, waterfalls, caves, rock cliffs and wildlife. I saw my classroom content come to life as I had a Lyrebird encounter. Cockatoos and Rosellas flew in the wild, not in zoos, not in cages. Meeting Chew and Kim, I learnt that their life, though seemingly enviable, had its challenges - I learnt not to covet.

When in Melbourne, I experienced friendship. Staying with Mom and a close friend of hers, I imagined and envied having such friends who would house me and my family for days and fight over who's to pay. I also cooked more than I've ever did, mostly out of boredom. But I realised a real satisfaction and joy in it.

While driving along the coast at Great Ocean Road (Geelong, Warrnambool, Hamilton) I learnt to be a good navigator. Through communication, understanding and patience, we got to our destinations mostly without turning around. We saw koalas and how lazy they could be, kanagroos and their adorable jumping, emus and their graceful walks.

When in the Grampians, we spent Christmas. A quiet, humble affair of instant noodles, and store-bought roasted chicken. It wasn't much - it didn't have to be. The quiet days meant spending more time together. And I definitely drew closer to my family.

I used to take these family vacations for granted, because of all the time I had to sacrifice and because of the many things I had to miss. But I'm starting to have a paradigm shift. These trips materialise only because my parents save up on annual leave and pour money into the costs of vacationing. And for that, I am grateful.