let's hit the rewind button

now that i'm back from the land of narrow cobbled streets and gorgeous quaint houses, AND my brother's off at camp COS-ing, I finally have time to blog!

Yes.

Where i left off last, I had yet to mention Prom and my class chalet. So here (rewindzxzzzxx... Dec 6th)

Prom was like any other. People spending tons of money on a single night (i mean just the dinner itself was expensive and not worth it! I've SERVED better food). After Sec4 grad night, I told myself never to get conned into this seemingly glam night only to remember nothing but taking a bunch of photos mostly with people (besides VaRY and SMarWLL and the some other guys) you'd never see again. Prom, then, was an overstatement. A con, like i said.

But this prom, THIS prom. (was still an overstatement, except) I had willingly signed up to be conned for a bunch of 22 hunks and babes (as we narcissist like to call ourselves.) These 22 people whom I would probably have gone into depression and left JC without. They've pulled me through the hardest times, be it Climbing difficulties, competitions, family problems, issues with schoolwork... ALL of it. And i wouldn't have gone to prom if it weren't for the majority who decided we should show our glam-ed up faces.

The dinner was. meh. The programme wasn't too bad. (Watching Calvin, Clement and the rest of the nominees dance) At the end of the night, we took a group photo together. Sadly, without van and alistair and raihan. But, at that moment, i felt like. This is it.

I've said it a thousand times before, written it down in most letters and cards i've given to you batch of climbers, but i'll say it again. Each and every one of you have contributed to the club and have most definitely made a DIFFERENCE in my life.

TJCCC 09/10 has been legen-(wait for it)-dary. And I wouldn't have had it any other way. You hunks and babes are awesome ttm. I'll never forget the times we had together.

emo-momo. =(

(forwardsssss... 13th Dec) class chalet!

There were about 12 of us that day? Nicole, Ying Ying, Ming Xuan, Martin, Mark, Joel, Jason, Albert, Andrew Wong, Tanoto. And I!

That makes 11. uhm, yeah. so we card game-d, we board game-d, we camwhore-d, we ate, we laughed, we talked, we drank. And we did a lot of crazy forfeiting. Which shall not be named, to protect the poor victims of said tragedy. =p

photos are all up n FB. so, none shall be posted here!

I had a great time with the class. (: who cares if we don't have a friggin class tee, and that our outings/chalets arent the most successful. (We've got Ryan, what's your excuse?) haha, i'll remember the tutorials we spent pissing off Mr Lim, Martin having to see teachers after class, GP essay writing while sucking on lollipops, lectures we never attended, getting caught for skiving, being all competitive and whatnot with the rest of the cohort... It's been roses.

I'll see you guys real soon and all the best with your future endeavours..!

days before prom

SATURDAY:

cleaned the house, spick and span! Babysitted Caleb (who's at the most adorable stage now cos he walks like a penguin and sometimes falls on his bum from imbalance...) and fell asleep while trying to put HIM to sleep. Babies... Haha, he'd get kinda sleepy, and comfortable. And just as he's about to shut his eyes... He realises it isn't his room, gets cranky and crawls out to the living room to play. Finally got him to sleep in his pram later on.

After his parents came to pick him, Sam Yee, mommy and I went over to Echo lounge (by foot! i love the convenience of staying in Central SG) to watch Mi Chelle's Christmas gig(: It was really good and i think i had goosebumps when they sang Orphans of God.

SUNDAY:

Went out shopping with mommy (on foot! teehee) to OG for pants. Trimmed my dead hair ends and dolled up for a wedding(:

The wedding was at Conrad Centennial. And no, mommy and I didn't go by foot. Uh, i wasn't supposed to go, but i was filling for someone who fell ill! So, the young bride, Carlene was mommy's colleague's daughter.. But later on i found out how small Singapore really was. The dinner was pleasantly interrupted between dishes with videos made by friends and a guitar acoustic solo by the emcee, a close friend of Say Wei (groom!)

And in one of the vids, I heard these, "Carlene... first year in Temasek JC" and... "She won a lot of climbing competitions". EPIPHANY. okay, over-enthusiastic. Uhm, ding! (?) hhaha. So, later when the newlyweds approached our table for a photo, I told Carlene I was in TJCCC(: and she asked if Phil still coached us. Unfortunately Phil and Kel were just back from CM and Kelly wasn't feeling too well. IF NOT i would have seen them there! :D Anyhow, what was really amazing was that Carlene and Say Wei (who's also a climber!) had been together for seven years... which means. They'd been dating since J1 0.0

How sweet is that? Having someone so dear to you to see you through two graduations, enlistment, POP, ORD, your first job...

To sum up? Bliss.

MONDAY:

so yesterday was an i-can't-open-my-eyes-i-just-wanna-sleep-day

mostly because of the interview i was gonna have with MOE regarding a three-month teaching internship next year. How'd that cost me my sleep?

After the wedding, it was close to midnight when we got home. So i packed my things and tried to sleep. Except... Questions and possible interview scenarios bombarded my half-concious state. And i only started dozing off at three.

Then at 4.44am. A dear friend called. She cried and I listened and I hope she's much much better now. Darling, if you're reading this, remember what i said ok? XOXO

So, the next morning I rushed through makeup and G2000 pants to be punctual for MOE. And in the end, it really wasn't too bad(: Sure, i could have done better. But i think it was pretty manageable and I said what I'd truly thought through the past couple of days. Fingers crossed! They'll get back to me by the end of this week. Or next :D

Oh yes, I did my nails too! And the manicurist asked if i was a stewardess. hahaah.

moxyoron

MOXYORON

You're pretentious; you're charming

Sincere and honest; blatant lying

I'm your Angel; your disposable Plaything

You've got me hooked; nights a-crying

Addicted to your scent; lingering sting

Mended my heart; head-first crashing

More than friendship; a perverse fling

Your savage slashing; my craving

Oblivious and cold; you caressed my feelings

Your words embrace; relentless lashing

Empty promises; you keep me trusting

Suave and soulful; masked disguising

I love you; I loved you.

I despise you; I hated you.

This moxyoron game, I'm done playing

celebration day 1,2 and 3

CELEBRATION day1: SHOP.HOP.OP.P

the few hours after our last paper saw shopping (part 2) with gwen&kris (and weng) at Far East and the Orchard Road malls. my progress with prom-related stuff? Dress, check. Shoes, check. Accessories, check. Makeup, check. Hair. :D i'm happy! And i'm happy kris found her prom dress! it's pretty((:

CELEBRATION day 2: I heart clean tiles(:

on Tuesday, i had no plans. Hence I decided to drop by at CA to help Mr Kao set routes for the juniors. Did a bit of conditioning too. Quite contented with my current state of fitness, but there's definitely much to do in terms of strength training. And I'm hoping to conquer my weaknesses (roofs, slopers...) Oh yes, highwall soon?

The J1 girls have indeed improved since the last time I've trained with them. They've brushed up on techniques and strength too. The only advice I have for them is to be more daring, dynamic and positive. Don't be afraid to attempt something that looks challenging. Instead of groaning and making excuses, work on your strengths to conquer the route. The beauty of climbing is not in completing a route, but dissecting the process of it. It's all about perspective. And on Tuesday, I was quite disappointed with their negativity and lack of enthusiasm towards the end of training.

Well, I'll see them again on Friday. And I hope I can help them make the best out of training time. (: Keep pressing on!

CELEBRATION day 3: two is better than one

Spent half the day with my boy today(: it's just great having nothing to worry about and having no reason to rush off some place. Stress-free days ahead... I like ;D

bio students! all the bestest for tomorrow..end the As with a BANG yes? (:

technically

technically...

tomorrow will be the end of As (but who isn't celebrating by now?)

i have tons of things lined up from the day after tomorrow till... uh. August? (but some other things take precedence over my list, and other times.. I'm just bored)

a celebration calls for late nights out, crazy shopping and meet-ups with those we've lost touch with (but some days, i just feel like giving my feet a rest and stay in with a good book)

i've been waiting all my life to be over and done with the endless exams (but when it's over, there will be much idle time)

So. technically. but. no.

CLIMBASIA RAID?

hellloooo? anyone out there wants to raid CA with me?

(ignoring manly shouts from wait. make that girly shrieks from ahmed, alistair, zheng wei and whoever else has confirmed.)

I NEED MY GALPALS :(

or not. i guess. i could. just. climb.

:D

So Long

Y'know, it's probably from all that slacking

I don't quite feel elated over the fact that we've endured a whole month-

make that 12 whole years of education

I think the same goes for when we ended our Os

We were celebrating prematurely

(like we aren't now. ha)

But yeah, no matter what

Somewhere in there, there's

a unanimous sigh of relief

From my eye bags to dehydrated skin: So long Cambridge(:

#6

I'm sick of physics right now, so

#6. Be observant

Pay attention to detail. Can you remember how she laughs, the way she looks when she's stressed, that smile that says it all?

Subconsciously, we (like well-tuned radars) tend to pick up a few of these. But for those who don't, it's time to open your eyes. It's in a woman's natural instinct to read body language, to listen to words unsaid, to observe tones and signs. But men? Have to try harder.

Remember in 500 Days of Summer?

Tom said: It's official - I'm in love with Summer

I love her smile, I love her hair, I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks, I love her heart-shaped birthmark....

You get it.

So, being observant means all of that and more. And why should you? Well, for one, it's a process of getting to know her better, to find out what unique quality you fell in love with. And then, everytime you doubt, or hesitate, remember that quality. Two, you will discover the art of communicating without words.

In Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, there's a chapter on "speaking different languages."

When women say, "You don't love me anymore", you may angrily respond: "WHAT? I don't love you? Is that what you think? Fine. If that's what you want..."

But hey, take it... non-literally. If you've picked up her signs, she may well be saying: "I know deep down how much you love me and I really do appreciate the things you do for me. But today, I'm feeling down and a little insecure... Cheer me up? And reassure me?"

Your other half is unique, so don't take my word for it. There's no hard and fast rule (like if she's quiet she's angry).

When i'm silent, I'm usually stopping myself from saying something I'd regret later on. Or some days I'm quiet because I just want to listen. When I quicken my pace, walking ahead, I'm angry, stubborn and upset. Following that, Sherwin follows, and apologises.

Because he knows.

So moral of today's lesson: Be alert to the itty bitty things.

to err

Early this morning, (real early, like 3am)

i was feeling beat up

after the realisation of being used as a means

to some end known as entertainment

a joke perhaps, a seemingly "innocent" laugh

And then after waking up later

i recalled GP lessons - discussions about philosophy

The Kantian Imperative in particular

This is what the Kantian Imperative says:

Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law

in English: Do unto others what you would deem others appropriate to do

for example: consider littering. Yes, it would be convenient for one to rid of one's rubbish. But would it be OKAY (universal law) if everyone else did it? If your answer to that is NO, don't do it.

So yeah, back to my rant

What he did was clearly. Human?

Natural instinct.

To make someone the butt of a joke (means) for one's own pleasure(end)

Without a semblance of concious thought

And I was angry for a whole ten minutes or so

The conclusion this morning?

To err is human

To forgive is divine.

And though i do not condone his actions

I don't want to bear grudges

For what good would it do to get beat up over someone who doesn't mean a thing

I forgive.

chem shmam

I officially hate the word. "SUGGEST"

I don't know why ___ happens okay? Stop asking me to suggest a reason, suggest why, suggest whether.

ARGH. Studying for this Chem Paper was so... inefficient. (where efficiency = output/input X 100%)

Well, on the bright side.

Wait, there is none.

:(

Come (back) to bed

Break from doing Chemistry.

Ever get the feeling we're studying too hard for the first paper

(too hard is used as a relative term here...)

Anyhow, John Mayer always melts my heart.

And my scouting for good covers, i found a certain Ray Cheong

One of his better vids here:

(psst. who wouldn't want to go back to a bed with John Mayer??)

hope you enjoyed that.

and i want the sheet music for this:(

oh well, going back to bed ;D

incomprehensible

I can't remember how i spent the last 2 weeks before my Os-
the last major exam I took

But I'm pretty sure it wasn't like this.

I wake at 11, depending on how bright my room is (which depends on whether or not the curtains are drawn)
I squander (yes squander) my time away with breakfast, a magazine or newspapers until i realise i should be doing something else.

I start work on a good day at 2pm
With in between facebooking, youtubing and whatnot
(which i deceive my mind to be checking for solutions to some past year paper. Which i DO! when i finally do.)

At 4.30pm, the sprinklers go on
I feel like crap cos that means its 4.30pm
(my house has no clock. pfft)

And i feel MORE like crap when i know everyone is studying the butts away.
Except me.

birthday/housewarming ;D

So my house had like twenty strands of hair

So my "ash's 18th" sign was illegible from the lift

So the food wasn't catered-standard in terms of presentation

So there were no games or activities...

I learnt that all that was superficial

Who cared about stuff like that?

I read somewhere once, that HOME is not a place - it's a time.

You can only feel truly at home with the people you love around you.

Home isn't home if you're alone in a house. That's just solitude.

In the same way, a party isn't a place - it's a time.

A time when I'm blessed to celebrate my 18th with the darlings that have seen me through my two years in college. The very same people who were at some periods the only reason that drew me towards the college. And these are the people I'm going to remember for a long time to come. ( to those who say 2 years is too short a time to make true friends - i say bull.)

The party could have been held at a lavish bungalow, complete with a pool and backyard

The party food could have been an on-site barbecue with on-site chefs

The decorations could have been absolutely stunning

Music blasted from surrounding top of the line speakers

But it wouldn't have been half as successful as the celebration on Saturday, 091010

If my friends weren't present.

Ask me what I want for my birthday

I want to blessed with sincere, loving friends.

Their presence is more than any present I could possibly receive.

NUMBERSEVEN

haha, Ahmed, Calvin and Jac have been commenting about how this must-be list is so one-sided and kinda over-the-top? Like a fantasy list.

So to clear up any confusion or dissatisfaction,

1) the list is purely my opinion - just a non-exhaustive, non-conclusive guide for guys

2) it is one sided because this guide is for guys... If any of you would like to compose one for girls (to enable us to understand you queer martians better) by all means, please do so(:

Today's topic #7: Be True to Yourself

(see, this isn't that bad is it?)

As far as I'm concerned, I know I cannot stand "masks" - identities, actions, personalities and whatnot that are employed to hide one's true colours. If she loves you for you, there's no need to put on a mask. To a certain extent, though, we all do that. In different situations, we act differently.

Take this scenario as an example: you are fun-loving, life-of-the-party, happy-go-lucky guy. When the day comes to meet her parents, you suddenly turn shy, awkwardly polite and boring (relatively). These masks aren't necessarily bad - they form the foundation of your image to a new person lest people are quick to judge and form opinions without first knowing you better.

The masks I'm referring to, are masks employed when it's just you and her. She fell in love with you (hopefully, not your masked-self) so don't be swayed by (other) people's opinion that you should look different or be different.

Moral today? Don't feel inadequate - if she matters most to you, her opinions (not anyone else's) of you should carry you through the relationship.

#8

#8. Be spontaneous

If you're the kind of guy who needs a schedule to go by, coupled with a daily to-do list, grocery lists and a real-time updated contact list... this is for you.

Being in a relationship requires work (no joke) and from time to time, it should come in the form of something...extra-ordinary. Spontaneous surprises, that is.

And before you jump to conclusions that such "surprises" have to be expensive or in any way tangible... think again. Depending on what you're comfortable with, and what she'd be over-the-moon about, (refer to Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman), it can range from a bouquet of flowers (or even a stalk really) to walking her to school without previously arranging to do so (hence. surprise).

These spontaneous acts may seem like a tall order. But really, it can be simple and equally heartfelt. Drop a note into her wallet when she's not looking or offer to let her decide on which movie to watch. Bring her on a date she's never experienced or to some place she's never been... The list goes on.

But the main point is, to add that spark of excitement to your relationship once in a while. Not so because "things are getting mediocre/boring" but more so because you want her to be happy(:

"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own"

Moral of today's story: Do something. Something she wouldn't suspect. Something... smile-inducing ;D

migraine

from being a major lazyworm:(

anyhow, that's besides the point. I wanted to rant because...

My dad just managed to use the following words on me in a span of... 10 minutes

A) Debtor

B) Bum

C) Potential cancer victim.

Why? Because I exceeded my monthly mobile plan quota for 100 minutes and 600 texts by 70 minutes and 60 texts.

Honestly, I don't remember my counter going up so high...

Secondly, he thinks I'm going to end up a debtor and a bum in life because i spend money before i start earning a cent. (Guess what, we're al doomed. We all spent money on diapers and milk powder the day we were born. And goodness, education too!?)

Thirdly. I'm getting a headache from staring intently at the screen ignoring his,

"Your-daughter-is-getting-out-of-hand", nag to my mom.

Okay, so. If i stop calling/texting, i apologise in advance

#9

And this brings me back to my Ashley's idea of a list of MUST-BEs for clueless guys who think women/ladies/girls/female sex should come with an instruction manual.

#9 is the topic of discussion today.

#9. Be a part - not apart

As a couple, it is essential that the two of you are together (no shit right?). And not just intimately or emotionally as mentioned in #10. The whole idea of this is summed up with that song from Spice Girls-Wannabe

"If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends". I've always had this idea that once a relationship was underway, the said couple should be sharing. Sharing secrets, laughs, memories, time... And most importantly-sharing lives.

The whole definition of a relationship is based on connection. How then can you expect to remain only a couple when it's convenient? Or when you two have alone-time. What I'm implying is, she should not be a complete stranger to the people or the things you care about. And vice versa.

If she likes shopping - suck it up. Try to have fun while she's picking out a dress for your next date. If your friends mean the world to you, arrange for both parties to meet. Don't be exclusive and all mysterious to others around you. Because the moment your relationship status on FB changes, people don't just look at you as... you. You become him and her.

Just last Friday, when i went back to my alma mater, I was bombarded with boyfriend questions. It started off with, "Where's he?" and then on to "Tell me more!" So basically, if she matters to you, then she belongs to the list of things/people that matter to you. Once you two start being more involved with each others' lives, it builds a stronger foundation for further... development? Capiche?

And as always:

The moral of the story today- 愛屋及烏. If you truly want to be ONE, it involves a lot more than her alone. The Chinese saying is translated roughly to mean, "If you love a house, love the crow that lives there"

freedom?

Remember that comprehension we did on freedom

With that funky "How free would you like to be?" AQ...

Weellllll, i think i experienced it today first-hand.

Lemme narrate.

Yesterday, after the end of econs paper (sigh of relief)

Nelly Yelly and Melly and I were discussing the possibility of watching a movie today

After Chem MCQ - which. Is pretty reasonable? No?

In my opinion-yes. So, we made plans for Step Up 3D - slow, i know

Paper 1 ended at 3, we thought we'd go to Lido for a 4.15 show

And so we made our way there (which is also kinda otw home)

I then proceeded to tell my mom about me going for the movie

(note: my mom's still very much a mother at this time in my life. I mean, she tells me to sleep at 10, or 11 depending on how busy she is to notice that i'm awake. She wants - needs - to know where i am always. She has never let me stay overnight anywhere except home (unless it's a school trip. Oh except this once during prom when i stayed with girlfriends @ Amara) She makes it a point that we all be home before 7pm. Which is standard dinner time. She's a tad overbearing. But, like i said, she's a mom. If you've known me long enough, there's probably a MOMent that i've whined about. Yes, end of note)

So today, i consciously thought

"Why not ASK her if i can go watch a movie and come back in time for dinner?"

(ask not tell. because she wants - needs - to know that her approval mattered in my decision-making process) Hence i did.

(Note: it was a conscious effort to ask her, mind you. As observed from Note1, there could be a possibility of her saying NO. which is the reason why i don't tell her most of the time.)

I sent her a message, telling her i had only one paper remaining, which was on Friday... and if it were ok if went out. For a 100 minute long break, involving moving pictures.

No. You're not done with your prelims.

Ouch, she then proceeded to ignore the rest of my pleas in the form of calls and texts - pity-inducing ones as well as angsty ones.

She'd said I was only to go if i could guarantee As. *inserts ridiculous face*

She threatened me with my housewarming/18th birthday party *inserts "SERIOUSLY??" face*

and then i stopped.

I mean who was I to go against her? Puny insignificant and unable to produce As.

If I'd gone to watch the movie without her knowledge, she wouldn't have known. But i had to tell her. And i got nothing for being honest. What's the upside of integrity again?

Once i got home, i was intent on making her realise that

A) i deserved a break after 15 papers.

B) the party had no relation whatsoever to my grades - hence should not be used as a carrot to dangle over my head

C) it was just a movie - i would have spent that same amount of time blogging right here right now about her inability to reason

D) All of the above and she should apologise

Except she cooked amazing fried rice (Zhengyu can attest to that), and kept mum (pun!) though the night. Till i offered her a cookie at 9pm.

Because i realised

A) I can't be pissed at her forever

B) At least i still have my party

C) It's only 3 months till the end of that letter ever being mentioned again - A

D) All of the above and hence I should be the bigger person

And so I gave up my day's freedom with other things in mind. I don't want to be ruffling feathers of someone whom i rely on over a movie right?

on a roll here(:

okay, another post! to make up for a 3-month hiatussss

a couple of times during our studyfest made me think a lot

about the future

about me

about us

about larger things

about love

about mind-____ing stuff.

that was "blow" by the way. nothing else.

Psychoanalysis was a great part of those thinking moments

Lotsa WHYs and WHATs and plain question marks.

I somehow came up with a list of 10 must-bes for guys as a guide to girlss.

non-exhaustive, non-conclusive. It's a personal stand (not Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), don't shoot me if she doesn't agree ;D

so. today, i shall start with #10!

#10. Be inclined to think her: WWSD - What would she do?

Take any hypothetical situation, throw in an ultimatum

You'd instinctively choose A over B. But what about her?

How well do you know her thoughts/feelings/priorities/expectations?

Fit yourself into her skin and walk all around in it. The revelations will shock you.

Personal anecdote. I am quite a crybaby. Says Sher. He thinks i cry too easily and too frequently. In my defence, it's my defence. And when it isn't I'm just in touch with my emotions... But for him to know this about me has (in my opinion) helped us tread through rough waters. He's definitely more aware now of how i'm feeling. When i'm silent. When i turn away. When i go "okay, bye".

So, moral of the story today is-know her insides. Knowing that alone will change you through your actions and words. And she'll start going, "you know me best"

are we there yet? no. are we there yet? no. are we there yet? YES. really? no.

that scene from Shrek cracks me up,

I feel liberated after today, knowing all that's left does not involve crazy writing.

And i'm thankful for getting through this round of examinations with such a sense of.

Chi??

Like innerpeace. (ahmed's innershine?)

I didn't quite prepare for prelims as much as I'd hoped

But the queer thing was my lack of pre-hall jitters

(well, ok, i had them last night thinking of failing stats and econs.)

But as i said, the worse for now is over.

I deserve a break, so do you.

You make take a day or two,

to settle for grades foretold, and face the next battle

I shall indulge in a week or so,

before my nerves return to being numb and cold.

hee, i feel poetic. (ha.)

(ha.)

anyways, my well deserved break starts...yesterday

(i watched three movies in a row! hence the jitters)

but what i really need now is to repay my sleep debt.

Go to bed with a smile and worry not bout tomorrow.

Do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

(: nightnight kiddos.

PS: climbers - reply me! i needs your answer by soons;D

and the match begins

the long road race to the finish line began just about 15 hours ago

the silent gun-shot indicating the start of scribbling and flipping - deafening

a dash past hurdles of time, accumulated pressure and seeping contents haphazardly added at the last hour

before a whistle signifies the seal of semi-fate, all that can be done now is to look ahead

the race isn't over, not for several more moons

opponents will observe an opening - to attack and destroy

you. Them - not other runners focused on the finish line,

their names - complacency, over-expectations, fatigue and (possibly depression)

Overtaking such opponents isn't a cause for hoorays.

It's merely a ticket to continuing this race.

And a gentle reminder - you voluntarily registered for this

So see it through.

it's a temporary lifestyle change

we've thrown away all our hobbies

we've put only one thing in the "Priority List"

it's taken over our TV time, sleep time and lay-around-doing-nothing time

it's eating us (or me) from the inside and doesn't show signs of stopping

sometimes I get fed up with studying - i mean we all do

because there are just those naggy thoughts like

-why study so hard and be as unique as the 3582 others around you?

-is sacrificing everything else worth it?

-are you even doing "this" right?

-study so hard also no results

and then there are other times where i feel like i'm on a high

doing work.

yes, i sound crazy - i hope you have moments like that too (if not check me in to IMH)

but at the end of it, those questions return, leaving me feeling as empty and as useless as a kite

a kite yes. doing nothing but chasing the wind hoping something fruitful comes out of it

call it what you want - rat race, paperchase - there are no good adjectives. TRY as you might.

You know what sucks though? the fact that people think it's easy? Especially those who don't even know what they're talking about. Ok, i'm sorry if you're born with jenius (yes it was intentional) jenes. but hey, before you judge me, stand in my jeans. For example, just yesterday, Dad picked up my promo cert which i was trying to file and i remembered thinking - haha, that was my best result in TJ yet... thank goodness he didn't see MCTs. And the next thing i knew, he was making "tsk" sounds and shaking his head. He asked, "why you so proud of results like that", i said it's pretty good, i mean LOOK at the percentile? and he just turned away and mumbled something like "so easily contented"

ouch?

study?

with all that's going on right now

studying is one of the last things on my mind

(contrary to popular belief yes?)

as I'm typing, I'm surrounded (in the dining area)

with close to 20 boxes

containing toiletries to files; photoalbums to pots

can you believe the amount of things we're NOT keeping?

I'd liken my house to a war-zone, tyvm

the dust collected over 15 years doesn't like to be unsettled

the cupboards don't like to be ransacked

at least my nose which gets ever so irritated by the air-borne particles tells me so

this move is the first i can remember, the second that happened in my lifetime

yet it feels like the last thing i want to do

I've been pulling and stacking, packing and wiping, sneezing and taping...

And then there's the labelling, stock-checking, not-eating and shouting

It's been only about a week but it feels like it's been too long

And thankfully, I'm grateful to say - we're almost there.

After 33 boxes of clothes, memorabilia and "essential" items

and 47 other individual pieces of electronic/bulky/non-boxable items

WE ARE DONE (almost)

studying's the LEAST of my problems. Least.

I'm now getting ready to scream at my very responsible brother who was responsible enough to leave the house in chaos to GO OUT.

never the end

the past week marked the last training we had

- half of which we spent on taking pictures

the colourful, saturated Red from our Flasher Tee

we'd never wear again, 'cept on Casual Fridays

the past week marked the last competition we had

Friday - Novice Women&Men & Intermediate Women

As legends once again, we breezed through the former

Tore through - said Michael - like the TJCCC War Machine

Intermediate was different - too different

It was devastating and discouraging

I hated the fact that my last competition had to end that way

Bottomline though, we had fun..!

Laughing at the tiles, sloping and odd-angled

Falling off the wall, barely to the bonus tile

Wondering "WHATTTTT????" and "Howwwwww?"

Staring at the route, hoping it'd change. Ha

Some excelled, beyond most expectations

Beyond boundaries anyone could fathom

For this, Congrats are due to

Novice Men: Christopher & Ahmed

Inter Women: Valerie, Shi Hui & Eugenia Pua

Inter Men: Clement Tan

To the rest, we all know you've fought hard

And what's more important is

That this is not the end

It never is

CLIMB X 2010

"It's a bee-a-you-ti-ful Saturday morning, here in Temasek Junior College

And if you've just joined us, this ruckus you're witnessing by the Climbing Wall

is CLIMB X twothousand and ten(:

Solely organised by Temasek Junior College Climbing Club

Sponsored by Climb Asia, Milo, Red Bull, Metro, PUB and Frolick"

Yes, i was DJ/emcee-ing at the event last weekend together with Calvin/Alistair/Jo/Jac

The whole competition was more or less flawless, i must say, if we ignored Nature's wrath...

I hope competitors enjoyed themselves, cos I sure did ;]

Agreeing to this competition was probably one of the best decisions I've made in my time in TJCCC

I know it might not be such a big deal to anyone else

But this comp served to remind me why I loved Climbing and competing in the first place.

Sure, i told myself, being organisers of the competition took precedence over being a competitor..so i did not expect any kind of achievement going into this (except for the competition to be AWESOME ;) )

Yet, from the minute we settled into isolation, and got seated at the transition area, my heart started pumping and butterflies were emerging.

For the first half of our competition season, I manage to let these feelings just flow through me.

In and out.

That Saturday though, 8th of May, it stayed inside.

However, it was different. Good in a way.

Adrenaline pumping, I stepped up as the 3rd JW to the baby roof.

I hadn't touched the baby since January.

YES JANUARY eonssss ago..!

And if you climbed enough with me, you'd know roofs were a certain psychological barrier to me

Anyhow, anywhat - I ascended reminding myself to breathe, clip and flow.

I was in LOVE with the route in no time ;)

Towards the middle of the roof route while holding the crack on the wall,

I remember having that nudge in my head

"quit now. you're tired. after all you've never been able to flash a competition route before...

much less now that you've NOT trained for highwalling"

And i punched that thought into oblivion and said

"No Ashley, you will NOT quit on me now"

I progressed another 4 moves to get to the penultimate hold

And then in sight, about a panel's length away, was the anchor.

And the last yellow jug.

I reached up, but it was out of my grasp.

Panicking, I felt around for inserts, features, nuts, ANYTHING

that i could use as an intermediate hold.

All i got was a semi flat insert - and i recall going "WHAAAA?"

Without hesitation, at that moment, i leaped for it, as though i was on a boulder problem

And hey, I topped the route (:

TJCCCCamp 2010

busy busy week, preparing for numerous things

like buying logistics, packing them, finding alternatives and so much more

it was hard juggling between TOOP, Climbing camp, CLIMB X preparation and studies

but we've all been through worse

i'm glad the camp turned out successful

i wouldn't have it any other way

despite the last minute decision to hold the camp last weekend

the seniors pulled through for the TJCCC family

because we wanted all too badly for the J1s to experience what we did last year

except more.

it started on a Friday evening with tile stripping and washing

and sacrificing would-be time at Mega House Func

a brief briefing then followed, i was surprised every one grasped the 2D1N camp in a mere half hour

even though we were all exhausted, Sherwin and i sat by the grandstand for some time alone

and i liked that we talked about everything

it wasn't a "hm, nice weather. hope camp goes fine" talk.

rather raw, with more depth and honesty (:

slept came at 2am, ending at 7am

juniors came after breakfast and we proceeded to do MORE stripping/washing/sorting/drilling.

you know.

games finally started off with trust fall (which i missed..?) followed by

HUNGRYHUNGRYMUNKAY - a whole lot of laughs, blisters, wide-open mouths and flour-throwing. Yes, we learnt that our Captain and Vice Captain liked it white.

Bucket balance was next (another game i missed-i'm missing these games from preparing the next/packing up from the last. NOT slacking! see?) followed by climbing games!

1) Pass the pocky-gross much? apparently (while i was gone again!) the J1s bullied J2s by challenging them to pocky passing. Except it was minuscule to the point that Sherwin was licked by Clem. =( bad boy!

2) Hang challenge, and

3) Scissors Paper Stone (endurance-y game)

Water-hole was next, and i must say, the juniors were really innovative(: our cups' designs were pretty menacing, but they managed to fill the bottle oh so fast

Oh yes, i think i missed out their trials to be the next top Yati/Maria. The climbing area's so CLEAN now. Free of tapes, tiles, bolts, screws, weeds and litter(: yay for j1s

Sock challenge on soapy mats was realllllly entertaining. I didn't quite want to get down and dirty (or squeaky clean for that matter) so i watched from the side and took pics! haha SO hilarious. I don't know who/how/when/where/why/what, but J1s beat us =(

we ended the day's activities with a yumyum dinner and a visit from j3s! hahha(:

OR SO THEY THOUGHT! while they were catching up on sleep in lalaland, we were half-zombified, preparing for Night Games.

Last minute? Yes, but it turned out better than expected. At least Jun Wei told me i was creepy... "Ring around the rosies...." And i initially had a kick out of being a mental kid-ghost.

Talked again with Sher till my hair dried and we went to sleep(:

The next morning brought about PT race! which the J1s embraced (RIGHT?!)

Butt abrasions, lactic acid build-up, scorching hot weather and a whole lot of sweat.

Like Jia Ying Ma'am used to say, "What's bitter to do is SWEET to remember"(:

I hope this camp really brought the team together and gave them an opportunity to know each other. Not superficially but as friends, as a family, as a TEAM. I really was moved when (during the debrief), Mr Kao said to the J1s that we've left a legacy behind, and that TJCCC 09/10 was the best batch of climbers ever ;D

To the dear J1s, as Exco elections approach and the seniors get prepared to step down... Always remember the passion you have for climbing. The rest will fall into place.

let's just fall in love again

why do I compete - a question clement asked me, to which i gave a "politically correct" answer: Exposure

I say I'm not in it for the tangible accomplishments,

The shiny medals and glittery trophies that speak volumes in an instant

I know it's more than that - for how long can these last?

Competing psyches me up, a feeling we hardly get to indulge in

And we react accordingly by taking advantage of this boost of adrenaline

Without causing too much a strain on the nerves and tummy

What's most important is competing with yourself

Because once you compare, you insult you

Don't think about RELATIVE, think about I

Yet sometimes instincts tell us otherwise

Nobody enters a competition aiming to lose

Not one person would willingly give up without a fight

I hate to feel jealous or disgruntled or upset

When I want to do is be happy and unselfish

But every time, every time, it hits a nerve (the one that never wants to lose)

CLIMB X is coming up, and I've decided to participate

Even though I have not trained for high-wall difficulty since Batu Caves???

The main reason is that this would be our final high-wall competition

And more importantly,

I don't want to leave without falling in love with our amazing wall again

Allez ash(:

NSSCC 2010

To start off explosively, here are the results accumulated from 2 weekends of Nationals

A Division:
Speed Individuals (Boys): 1st - Christopher Yong

Speed Team (Girls): 3rd - Jolene Tan, Jacinda Siew, Gwendolyn Lee, Kristal Cheong
Speed Team (Boys): 2nd - Christopher Yong, Clement Tan, Alistair Chong, Ahmed Khalil Khan

Difficulty (Girls): 1st - Valerie Chu, 2nd - Jacinda Siew, 3rd - Kristal Cheong
Difficulty (Boys): 1st - Clement Tan, 2nd - Sherwin Lau, 3rd - Rahul Raman

All I can say is I'm so AMAZINGLY proud to be part of this family

Going down on both days (that I wasn't competing on) was more than worth it

Even though it rained on us yesterday, today was such a heart-pumping, adrenaline-filled day

It made up for it and so much more

So many of you broke out of your comfort zones

And got psyched up for the competition without feeling the nerves

You did incredibly well, whether or not your name was mentioned up there!

I'm all smiles now(:

When this is announced in TJ tomorrow morning or the day after,

SOAK IT IN.

You earned it;D

permanently black and blue

the roughest week of April has just gone by.

with unreasonable parents who once more try

to reason with grades - threats fly

with new things to learn and more datelines to keep

with heart aches that make each day look bleak -

haunts from the past, one hopes never to seek

"so little cause for carolings", yes?

cos though I try and I try my best

to let things simmer, those weights on my chest

never seem to want to go, no bidding good-byes

the roughest week of April has just gone by

or has yet to say hi?

I tried to do handstands but everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you

it's april!

April's fine - new topics bury disappointment (or lack thereof) from results

I know I need to buck up because I really am under-performing.

I will. I can. And if I can't, I must.

Our class really is blessed with good teachers who care and make learning such a breeze.

For JCTs I want to give it my all and do justice to my class and our teachers(:

Who's with ;)

Today brought another bouldering training with J1s.

It wasn't any different from last week - Traverse, Boulder (new routes today!) followed by Medium PT (6x8 pull ups, 4x20 push-ups, 4x30 sit-ups, 3x1min plank) and punishments =( for climbing in the Barea without j2s around and not closing the store gate and being slow and being late.

Well I hope the J1s have it drilled in their heads now. We aren't sadistic seniors who enjoy punishing them, it's all a matter of discipline and safety.

Slight bouldering and moderate PT made my arms sore and fingers raw (it rhymes!), but as always, I LIKE. On Friday, I hope we'll get warmed up to Speed Climbing(: and highwalling in general!

words that starts with F

This is one of those days

Where exhaustion just gives in to emotion

Where being alone doesn't necessarily mean anything physical

Where all else seems not to matter, not one bit

Where history haunts.

And is victorious.

Am I really?

What ever happened to "I know me best"?

See what doubt does to people?

It eats me

from the inside out.

What I'd give to want what I have

Ha.

Joke.

emceetees

Not going to talk about them?

Hahaa, there's a part of me that's disappointed that I hadn't put in my best for the MCTs. And the other side (whom I'm going to abandon by the time JCTs approach) that reminds me how this was set to kill us and make us buck up for JCTs.

New studying pact: Basically just to stay back after school each day to do homework and do revision. TYS here i come;D

Besides studies, Climbing is still out of the question. I did "touch" and do minimal (really minimal!) bouldering @ CA today while the J1s were shopping for their first pairs of rock shoes. I wore a skirt to prevent myself from getting on the wall(: but yeah, the minimal climbing I did didn't hurt my back(Y) and I'll probably go for Physio on Tues.

For now, I'll stay away from Yishun and train the J1s to boulder.I can't say I'm unhappy because high-walls are so foreign to me now though it means I won't be able to be with my love :(

Social life update!

On Thursday after my last paper, Rachel, Vanessa, Yu Kwan and I met up for some chillax session. A rare treat we indulged in (since the last time we met up was in 2009!) We had lunch @ Vivo Marche which stretched into Tea. Pictures are due to be uploaded by Wed. I PROMISE! haha, we caught up with each other's lives and just took turns to tell the latest;D Christmas plus Birthday gifts were also exchanged, it felt odd but equally heartwarming. HEARTS!

Since it was pouring, I couldn't bring them to the Pinnacle so we just shopped around Vivo. Much of our remaining hours was spent at Daiso! And did i find treasure there!! I'm so making a trip back when I've moved(: Besides that, I bought a scarf and a headband from Forever21. under $12 =p

The day after, we met (AGAIN!) cos we realised we were all free. HAHA,initially the plan was to catch Alice in Wonderland. But we ended up shopping (without Rachel =( boo) Lunch at Manpuku followed by aimless walking. We found ourselves going crazy with more headbands at Montip and I bought two(; for training and casual use luh. Then I proposed that we three visit the Pinnacle since I had to help Dad paint the house. And they came!

Okay, i admit, we did nothing but CAMWHORE. hahahah, 100pictures in 2 hours. Yes, the epitome of camwhoring XD

Friends are the family you choose for yourself and I just wanna say that you girls are fantastic family members ;)

let's do this S

mixed feelings about recent events

1) AHSLC: turned out way better than expected. I went in feeling like I was doing SK/JM/AHS a favour and I would do the bare minimum. BUT HEY! i was so caught up with the camp's activities, the atmosphere and most of all the CAMPERS, that i hardly thought about the notes that lay untouched in my bag(: And as i was saying, i learnt SO much too.. talk about service learning ;)

2) studying for MCTs: ahh, motivated (just one more weeeeek!) yet slightly chill-ish since is just the MCTs. Sherwin's been helping me through Physics, Chem and Math :] yay

HEAL BACK HEAL

I went for the AHSLC briefing this afternoon gaining nothing but an injury.

We were on our way back from shopping for logistics at Sheng Siong and took a cab because we had a ton of things and it was pouring terribly. As we unloaded the things, my slipper (extremely unreliable) decided that i should slip and fall. On my back.

I couldn't stand for almost a minute, but i knew i had to get indoors. Thank God i managed to stand and walk. The pain was still bearable.

As I eased into a chair, I soon realised it wasn't a minor bump. The pain was sharp and piercing. I could not bend forward to a 90' angle.

I'm also thankful for the other camp officials who expressed concern and made me go to see a doctor. Yu Kwan, Soon Keong, Ray Seen, Lee Ying (thanks for the slippers and cash!), Jia-Min, Vanessa Chow, Chun Kit and Ka Hwee.

Apparently the doc said it could be anything from a bad bruise/contusion or a minor crack in my bone. She gave me some pain relief pills and a cream for applying... I pray that it's nothing serious or long-term. I don't want to lose it all.

Not now. Not ever.

NW finals

Flash format. Detail 4. 6 routes. 2 flashes, 1 top, 2 bonuses. Ranked 14th.

There are SOOOO many pictures on fb, it is SCARY.

Just imagine, 182 pictures from Calvin, 136 others from Mr Kao, 200 (not complete) from Lisa. And my overdue Gravical NW/NM/NW finals plus Boulderactive IW/IM/NW/NM pictures have yet to be uploaded!! Screams. Jac, please relieve me of them, credits are all yours if you do them for me ;)

Reflections on my NW climb? I guess I just had this "I wanna flash as many routes as I can and prove to those supporting me that I did not enter the Intermediate Category by chance". We were probably all tired and had zero psych from all that waiting (+- 5 hours), but we still did our customary warm-up (unique to TJCCC!) and watched Details 1 and 2 compete.

As I was reading some of the routes while Detail 2 was climbing, I saw from the corner of my eye, a trail of red-shirted guys were half-running towards the wall. Turning, I spotted Calvin right in front and the other J2 guys. Following them, the (almost) ENTIRE J1 entourage. A smile broke out on my face and i ran over to Calvin(:

I was just SO touched knowing that they had rushed down from school just to watch us compete for a mere 20 minutes. The J1 juniors too, could have gone home and enjoyed an early Friday night, BUT they came and gave their support, cheering like a wild fan club. Each time the emcees mentioned 'TJ', a roar of support just made me beam;D

I did not do as well as I'd have liked too. But the IW did compete in the morning and on the bright side, I attempted every route (unlike at Gravical).

Route 1: unable to reach bonus (too tired cos it was one of the last routes i attempted)

Route 2: 2 attempts to bonus (i just felt like my sequencing wasn't very right, and hesitated a bit too much..

Route 3: Balancey, but I LIKE. 2 attempts - both reaching the final tile, but was unable to STICK IT. sigh, wasted=(

Route 4: flash

Route 5: flash

Route 6: top on 2nd attempt

Videos, like my pictures, will take time. It's more for my own viewing, but feel free to comment!

With that, we end part 1 of our Bouldering season. Now to focus on J1s/NSSCC

Of bruises and abrasions

few more injuries added to my list(:

Approximately 4 new bruises on my knees, my skin's peeling from every finger, some unknown wound on my left wrist and a series of abrasions on my right wrist.

The above were all results of Gravical and today's Boulderactive at Orchard Central organised by NUS.

I sound like a sadist? Maybe, but these injuries are so much more to me. I'll not complain that they hurt or will cause ugly scars, for one sole reason... I'm back ;D I am officially 100% recovered and on full form. The back injury is passe now and I'm no longer trying to catch up with the team (from the hiatus through Nov/Dec/Jan)

Arriving just in time with Jac at 8.30am, we registered and got our goody bags, quickly changing and settling in amidst the 23 Intermediate Women climbers. My arm was marked [IW 18] and in that second i thought. Wow. Intermediate. *beams*

I kept telling myself: no stress, no pressure. It's my FIRST inter comp! Have fun, get all the experience I can(:

Approaching the first wall, the sequence seemed pretty do-able. But i was stumped by the side-of-the-volume sloper. Yes, that is where i scraped my wrist. three times=(

2nd route was crappy holds entirely.... I barely slapped my left hand on the bonus tile, before slipping off.

3rd route was all about lay-backing. I looked at it, and *WHIMPER!* just popped into my mind. haha, well, i took way too long getting towards the bonus tile..

4th route. HAHAHHA. cannot start. XD so morale-boosting aye? if i was given 10 mins, maybe my fantastic brain would have gotten me somewhere higher than the starting hold. HA

5th, final route. FLASH. FLASH. FLASH. FLASH. FLASH. FLASH. oh no, ONSIGHT. heehee. Jac came to me as i was resting, and said, "You can flash this." It just gave me all the encouragement i needed to rid myself of all negative emotions and give it my all for the final route. And yes, i was feeling high after completing it.

THE trip - through my Nikon D40x