and the match begins

the long road race to the finish line began just about 15 hours ago

the silent gun-shot indicating the start of scribbling and flipping - deafening

a dash past hurdles of time, accumulated pressure and seeping contents haphazardly added at the last hour

before a whistle signifies the seal of semi-fate, all that can be done now is to look ahead

the race isn't over, not for several more moons

opponents will observe an opening - to attack and destroy

you. Them - not other runners focused on the finish line,

their names - complacency, over-expectations, fatigue and (possibly depression)

Overtaking such opponents isn't a cause for hoorays.

It's merely a ticket to continuing this race.

And a gentle reminder - you voluntarily registered for this

So see it through.

it's a temporary lifestyle change

we've thrown away all our hobbies

we've put only one thing in the "Priority List"

it's taken over our TV time, sleep time and lay-around-doing-nothing time

it's eating us (or me) from the inside and doesn't show signs of stopping

sometimes I get fed up with studying - i mean we all do

because there are just those naggy thoughts like

-why study so hard and be as unique as the 3582 others around you?

-is sacrificing everything else worth it?

-are you even doing "this" right?

-study so hard also no results

and then there are other times where i feel like i'm on a high

doing work.

yes, i sound crazy - i hope you have moments like that too (if not check me in to IMH)

but at the end of it, those questions return, leaving me feeling as empty and as useless as a kite

a kite yes. doing nothing but chasing the wind hoping something fruitful comes out of it

call it what you want - rat race, paperchase - there are no good adjectives. TRY as you might.

You know what sucks though? the fact that people think it's easy? Especially those who don't even know what they're talking about. Ok, i'm sorry if you're born with jenius (yes it was intentional) jenes. but hey, before you judge me, stand in my jeans. For example, just yesterday, Dad picked up my promo cert which i was trying to file and i remembered thinking - haha, that was my best result in TJ yet... thank goodness he didn't see MCTs. And the next thing i knew, he was making "tsk" sounds and shaking his head. He asked, "why you so proud of results like that", i said it's pretty good, i mean LOOK at the percentile? and he just turned away and mumbled something like "so easily contented"

ouch?

study?

with all that's going on right now

studying is one of the last things on my mind

(contrary to popular belief yes?)

as I'm typing, I'm surrounded (in the dining area)

with close to 20 boxes

containing toiletries to files; photoalbums to pots

can you believe the amount of things we're NOT keeping?

I'd liken my house to a war-zone, tyvm

the dust collected over 15 years doesn't like to be unsettled

the cupboards don't like to be ransacked

at least my nose which gets ever so irritated by the air-borne particles tells me so

this move is the first i can remember, the second that happened in my lifetime

yet it feels like the last thing i want to do

I've been pulling and stacking, packing and wiping, sneezing and taping...

And then there's the labelling, stock-checking, not-eating and shouting

It's been only about a week but it feels like it's been too long

And thankfully, I'm grateful to say - we're almost there.

After 33 boxes of clothes, memorabilia and "essential" items

and 47 other individual pieces of electronic/bulky/non-boxable items

WE ARE DONE (almost)

studying's the LEAST of my problems. Least.

I'm now getting ready to scream at my very responsible brother who was responsible enough to leave the house in chaos to GO OUT.