guilt-stricken me

okay. i need to do a guilty rant

remember how i said, "I've had enough (of changing plans and all)"

today, i almost wanted to literally take all that back. like eat my words.

today started out rough, don't feel like sharing though

but the reason behind my guilt rant is that Ms Koh talked to me

Ms Yee told me the day before to speak to her, 1-on-1, directly

the convo was basically like this...

"why do you want to pull out from the trip?"

"(talks about KL trip, clashing,wanting to avoid troubling parents/mr kao/philip with more changes)"

"do you want to go to Indo?"

"of course. it's just that, i had to make a decision. either one or the other."

"oh, because we were trying to make plans for you to come back earlier, then you could go for both. The teachers put in A LOT of effort in this trip. On Friday, the teachers went out to recce immediately. The whole of next day, I spent coming up with the proposed ideas. And gave it to Mrs Loke ASAP. I assure you, though everything was done in three days, it wasn't a slipshod job. If we didn't have the contacts or experience, it would be impossible to do."

"(nods)"

"we had to get the project approved fast because the more it dragged on, the less chance of the whole team being able to make it due to the last-minute notices. Basically, the teachers are very disappointed and upset that a large number of you cannot make it... Of course, at the same time we understand that the right is yours to decide. And when Yunnan go cancelled, we understand you would have gone to make other plans...we just didn't expect 7 people."

"(feels uber guilty. about everything i blogged the day before..)

"so anyway, since you've already made your mind up, all i can say is i hope not going for this trip doesn't mean you break off totally from TOOP. I hope you don't leave TOOP this year thinking all your time was wasted. And I hope you still help the team if you're free.. The group's dynamics have really changed..."

" =( "

"alright. have fun in KL then. bye"

"bye ms koh. thanks"

okay. the convo was way longer. but. this is the gist. lots of silence (GUILTY silence) too. argh.

what can i say?

choices have consequences.